Looking ahead and now knowing

It is FRIDAY... the first week of 2008 is over. It went by rather quickly but without too many stresses. The kids are starting to get back into the swing of getting up early (after 2 1/2 weeks off it was hard the first couple of days). I am not nearly caught up with my paperwork from being off for vacation let alone the end of the month stuff and the end of the year. Then I have to start thinking about purging the filing cabinet of 2006 stuff so that 2007 can fit into it as the RNs need room to file. Looks like I will be working this weekend.

So as some of you may have figured out Dante and I are indeed seeing each other. Let me explain our relationship as I see it currently. I am happy with Brian but I am not content. I don't want to loose him or hurt him. Dante states the same thing about Rebecca. Now I don't know their relationship fully because I don't really know Rebecca but I can state in my opinion that I am missing something in my relationship. Dante brings what I am missing and always has an ear to lend. He is not trying to break up me and Brian. We have spoken about if or when the 2 separate relationships should fail if we would try again (openly). Right now, I just want to live in the moment. I want to enjoy the friendship. I want to enjoy him. Someone might look in and say that I am doing morally wrong. I agree. Plain and simple... I do agree. However, I just can't let go. I can't bring myself to talk to a therapist about it neither.

I once told a friend that I was addicted to two things. Neither were illegal so why should I give either one up. One was Caffeine. As in Soda... I used to drink about 2 liters of Pepsi a day by my self. Now I just have a coffee in the a.m. and a soda with lunch (16 oz.), and a soda at bed (16 oz.)time. And if I want anything more I drink water, juice or koolaid. The other thing I am addicted to is SEX. Yes, I said it. I am a closet Nympho. I need to have my fix every other day at least. I would enjoy it every single morning and every single night with a couple of random times throughout the day but there are kids to be taken care of and jobs to be worked so I get what I can... If I don't I turn into a bitch. I mean really a big one. I can't help myself neither. But the problem that I have also is once is not enough. It is like just warming me up. So here is my current dilemma. I have no place for Dante and me to get comfortable and spend some quality time together. If anyone cares... help me... don't try to change me!

On my mind

Even though I had a great experience in Florida with my family my thoughts and mind often drifted back north. I called Dante whenever I could (which was not often enough for me with everyone else around). Christmas came and went uneventful. New Year's eve and day came and went uneventful. Some may like this. Others like me get depressed. Not that I want drama but something would be nice. Dante - he called... made me smile and wish I was with him instead of where I was at.

Dante and I went out last night. He picked me up after the kids were in bed and after I had spoken with Brian. We went through the drive in at McDonald's and just drove around and talked. We talked about us. We talked about Brian and Rebecca. We talked about the kids. And it is hard for me to sit here and not know what is going to happen. I mean I am happy with Brian but I am not as happy as I could be. I also don't think Dante would be able to make me as happy as I want to be. He calls me at all time crazy times just to put a smile on my face and then just say he's got to go. He makes me wonder what is on his mind. Is this a good thing? I don't know. I think I am playing with fire...

That's my thoughts for right now anyway...

Florida 2007

So my family finally went on an all out vacation. On December 15th we loaded the Honda, loaded the kids, and gassed up for what was going to be quite an adventure. That it definitely was! After driving 19 straight hours we finally hit Florida border at 6:30 a.m. Everyone started to wake up as we hit Jacksonville and they noticed they no longer needed their heavy winter jackets, the blankets covering them as they slept and they all needed to stretch. So we decided to stop into an IHOP. As we pull into the parking lot I thought of Weekends Off and missed my Internet already. Now for those of you that don't know my family that went consisted of Me, my 4 kids (ages 13, 12, 10, & 4), Brian, his 3 kids (ages 14, 11, & 7) and my parents (both in their 50's). My parents only had 2 kids (DUH! me and my brother) so I was unsure how this adventure was going to turn out with all of us sharing a condo for a week. Breakfast was trying as Andy's meds were not doing him any good with him being cooped up for so long and not being able to get out his energy. We got through it though. We needed to wait until 4 p.m. before we could check into the resort so we decided to bring the kids to Daytona Beach and spend some time just enjoying the fresh air. The kids had fun and was glad to be back to the ocean. (see last summer when we went to Virginia beach after one of Patti's competitions). Anyway we decide to head over to the resort which was another 3 hours away. We FINALLY get there and the place was gorgeous. Believe it or not the layout was perfect for the people that we had. Lots of room and I think it was bigger than my house. Sunday evening the kids were all tucked in and sleeping by 10 p.m. Monday we stuck around the resort and let the kids go exploring. Tuesday Mom and I went to pedicures, massages, and manicures then we did a flee market (how come they don't have them up north?) Then we went to a Pirate Dinner Theatre (just the adults). Wednesday we went to Magic Kingdom, Thursday we split up and my parents and some of the kids went to Epot while Brian and I took the rest to MGM. Friday - Mom and I stayed at the resort with the kids (aka I was poolside all day!) and Dad and Brian went deep sea fishing. When dad and Brian got back mom and I had most of our things packed. Saturday we woke up and reload everything and headed home at 11:00 a.m. Looking back it seems like it went by so fast. Times it was tough. Stressful. And even unbearable... But we did it. Sunday December 23rd at 10 a.m. we crossed NYS border. The adults were glad to be back. The kids want to know when we get to go again. Brian and I are thinking the next time we will fly. We are looking forward to a mini get away in February with his mom and her boyfriend like last year.